Snow! I'm pretty sure that crap is evil.

It snowed on Sunday the 9th. At first, it was pretty... the crisply white snow coating the lawn, street, rooftops, tree branches.. it looked like something off of a greeting card.We were all excited by the prospect of a Snow Day.

Look at the pretty snow! Let's drink hot chocolate!

Five days later, Thursday the 13th, the city is still mostly snowed in. Our cul de sac is under probably 3 inches of snow and ice on the roads with probably about 4 to 6 inches in the yards. It's the ice that keeps you from being able to drive anywhere though.

The tiny black parts are the road. The rest is DEATH.

Like... this morning I thought I would drive to work instead of walk the almost mile like I did yesterday. Apparently, I thought wrong. I got out of the driveway well enough but the moment I hit the street and tried to turn, I was stuck in a patch of ice. The wheels were turning.. but they were turning on ice, so my ass was stuck in the middle of the street. With the help of Frank and Cathe I was able to get my car from the middle to the side of the street. Hopefully nobody hits my car. That would suck and I would cry.

After getting the car back to safety I called my boss back (she had called while I was trying to move the car) and then I called the co-worker that I was going to be working with. She had had the same idea of trying to drive instead of walk and had gotten stuck in her street as well. Now, while my walk takes 15 minutes in good weather and about 20 in the snow, her walk is an hour in the snow. So, there was no way that we were going to make it to the cafe to open in the next hour and a half.. which leaves me not working again today.

Good thing I managed to get in that 10 AM - 2 PM shift yesterday. Hopefully tomorrow will see me at work for about the same amount of time. My co-worker is just going to walk without waiting to hear from our boss what time she would like us to come in, since it doesn't really matter and we got like 15 customers yesterday that were within walking distance of us.

The sidewalk has become an icy deathtrap. But the snow is still pretty!

But, on the plus side of this snowedinness.. is that a word? I've gotten my laundry washed, if not put away yet, and yesterday Cathe and Frank got the couch that was in the garage into the upstairs living room, which gives us more seating that isn't the floor. I might bundle up and trek out to my car to retrieve my sewing machine from the trunk and make some little things with scraps of fabric I have laying around my room. I'm thinking something like this: Coffee Mug Cozy Thing. It's simple sewing, being a rectangle, and I have the supplies and the time to do it. So, we'll see if I manage to be creative and/or productive today.

At the very least, I'll put away my clean laundry and make my bed.

Oh, and my roommate Mish just tried to leave for work. She just got stuck in the same place I did.

Evil fucking ice.

Videos!

So, remember how back in October I was involved with dance rehearsals nearly every moment of my life for months at a time? I finally have a link to the video that isn't from Face Book!

Fan Dance Awesomeness!

We actually did 2 performances, this video is from the first. Sadly, the second performance is the better of the 2.. with no dropped fans. The only bad thing to happen during it was that one of my fans broke in my hand. Not that you can tell, I'm that professional. :D

Sleep is for the Weak!

This is how I feel every night. That might have something to do with the fact that I stayed up until 5 AM last night, trying to sleep. And by "trying to sleep" I mean I read a book until my hand started to cramp from holding it up. And then I slept until 4 PM... so, my sleep schedule is a bit fucked up at the moment. Which always happens to me when I get bored or hate life or something.

Always.

Since I was like 13 or something, I've stayed up all night long and slept all day. It sucks. Because I know it's something that I need to work on fixing, and I do try.. and then it happens that I stay up until 2 AM one night and then the next it's 4 AM and then before I know it, I'm awake at dawn. And have to be to work in a few hours. Sigh.

Last year after I started my new job I did really good at sleeping at night and being awake during the day.. but I've started to back slide since November. I chock it up to having someone to talk to at all hours and then not having someone to talk to at all hours. When I have someone to put my interest in, I tend to behave like a normal human being.. with responsibilities and stuff. But the moment it's up to me to take care of myself, (read, once I'm single or have no one that shows an interest in me) I go straight back to staying up all night. And I don't even do anything most of the time. I'm just... awake, existing... bored. And I want to go to bed, but I can't for some reason.

Oh well. I didn't intend to actually write anything tonight, but it gives me something to do for a few minutes to beat the monotony of the night. Did I mention that I have work at 10 AM? Yeah, and it's a nice long shift for once.. we'll see how that works out.

Maybe I'll post a photo of myself looking like a zombie? Sounds like a good idea.

January Resolution: Happiness

As I mentioned in the last post, it's time for resolutions to take place. And I have come up with mine. Instead of doing 1 thing for the entire year, I'm going to give myself monthly resolutions. It comes down to me not knowing of 1 thing that I want to improve about myself, but several that I know need work.

So, for January, my resolution is to find something every day that brings me happiness and share it in some way with either the people that make it possible or just as a note to remind myself. This will, hopefully, help me focus on the positive things that are in my life rather than all of the negative.

There will be some months where I focus on a physical thing, such as watching what I eat or walking or dancing. And others where I am simply creative in some way.. and others still where I am totally honest about how I feel.
This will hopefully help me to come to terms with some of the issues I have with myself and what I see as my limitations.

New Year, New Me

Well, let's quickly disregard everything that was written in the last post.

It seems that I am good at cursing things to ruination by writing them down.. which is kind of silly, but it seems to be so. Every time that I write I am happy with a situation or person, that happiness ends in such a way that I am the opposite of happy.

The short story: I like douche bags. Not the hygiene kind, the male kind.

Moving on.

It's almost 2011. Holy cow. And with that realization, comes the sudden desire to come up with a resolution to keep or break for this new year. I have never done the resolution thing, so I think it's about time that I gave it a shot.

So, I'm trying to come up with one. It's hard work, really. There's the general ones that everyone does, like lose weight or save money or travel or be kind to puppies or do some great good. I don't want to do one of those because they won't really mean anything. I want to do something that will change how I see myself for years to come.

Or something.

I don't know.

It's hard, because I want to do these crazy things, but I know that I won't be able to motivate myself to do it past a certain point.


I just had a wonderful idea. Instead of a Yearly Resolution, I'm going to have a Monthly Resolution. That's like.. 12 Resolutions instead of just 1. I think that's a fab idea. Plus, it'll keep things from getting dull. Now I need to come up with my January Resolution. It'll probably be something simple like tell people why I like them or something. We'll see what I come up with on January 1st.

'Tis the Season...

I'm not quite sure what it is the season of, but I do know that it is in fact a season of something.

Any whoo.

Yeah.

First of all, let me get the over-whelming sense of guilt that I have going on every time I look at the link to this thing... and then write nothing. Seriously, there are times that I want to write something but then I have to go off and do something else... and by the time I am able to write something, I have forgotten whatever it is that I was going to write before. So I do nothing and feel like a piece of crap. Not like anyone reads this thing anyway, it's more like I'm pretending that people read it and that makes me feel even worse because I feel guilty for keeping the words away from myself. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me either.

Maybe if my life were filled with exciting things on a daily basis, instead of kinda amusing things on a weekly basis. Or something. I dunno. But I do want to write more, I just don't feel like being boring and crap.

That being said, here is a recap of what I've been up to of late, just in case. In case of what, I haven't a clue, but that's what people say.

In the beginning of November, my last update actually, I had been talking to this guy that I have known for a few years, and had a bit of a thing for. Up until now, however, one of us has been dating someone else and we're both the kind of people that just don't talk to the opposite sex whenever we're attached to someone. So, even though we both liked each other and had things in common, our interactions were limited to the random times in a year that we would be at the same NERO event.

Fast forward to last October (2009) and the end of my current long-time relationship. Sadly, for me, he had just entered into a new relationship (as in like that week) and then moved to Texas. Of course, thinking about it now makes me happy that nothing had happened last year, as I was in a very bad emotional state over my breakup and in general just hated life. It has actually kind of made me a better person, though I will never admit as much to my ex. That would be kind of awkward, along the lines of:

Me: Thanks for treating me like crap and allowing me to realize that I am actually worth more than what you tell me I am. Also, I hope you've learned that you can be an overbearing asshole and you should actually care about the person you supposedly love instead of just using them for your selfish needs.

Actually, maybe I should tell him. But I won't, because that will mean actually talking to him and while I have recently re-added him as a friend on FB, I am not to the point that I can see what he is doing on a daily basis without either feeling total rage at the injustice of it or feeling joy because he has gotten fat and his girlfriend is a total ditz with a big ass. But I digress. I think. Maybe.

So, to get back to my little story, my emotional state was not the best (to say the very,very least) and I was generally very unhappy living in Savannah. Thus, when the topic of moving came up I jumped on board, head first, naked into the fires of this idea. Which is how I found myself living in a 6 bedroom house with 5 other people (2 of which I had only met for a weekend and 1 of whom I had never met) and their cats at the start of December. Oh the joys of having friends that love you. Seriously, without my friends I am sure that I would have fallen even deeper into the depression that my life was at that point in time. So, a huge thank you to my friends for being there for me.

At the same time that I was rebuilding my sanity and love of myself and life, he was living in Texas with his girlfriend. Fast forward once more to this fall and I am single after a quick thing that I don't know if I even can consider a real relationship. And he becomes single after his girlfriend fucks around on him. Being the embodiment of compassion (and seeing a chance after so long) I rekindled our friendship. And found out that he had had the same feelings I had had and had never acted on them for the same reasons that I never had. It was shocking, and nice, and... and..  I don't know what else.

It was just nice to have someone to talk to and be honest with and to care for them in the same way that they cared for me. And then, to both of our surprises, we realized how deep our feelings actually were. Here's where it gets a bit sappy and silly and cute and all of those other words that mean Disney personified. We realized that we actually loved each other. Not that "I think I love you because I'm lonely" love, but real love. The kind that you feel once in your life, if you're lucky. The kind that makes your chest tighten whenever you see or talk to that other person and when you miss them because you haven't spoken to them for five minutes. We realized that we felt that for each other, and it kind of scared us, or at least I know it scared me. I hadn't felt that way even for my most recent long-term relationship and had only felt it once before and that had been after being together for months.. not just talking to for weeks.

Feelings are funny things. They aren't logical, or shouldn't be. Despite wanting them to be logical and not random, they will always do things that you don't expect. Like make you fall in love with someone that you haven't actually seen in person in over a year. Things like that. But I have no regrets about it. I have a few worries, mostly remnants of past relationships that always seem to become issues.

But I want this work. Like, work forever. And, to make this happen, I am trying to be true to myself and the feelings that I have. Even stranger, and even more scarily, I am not planning for the future. For once in my life I am going to let things happen as they happen without worries for the future. If I have learned anything this year, it is that sometimes you need to let things happen and go with the flow. So, while I would like for things to happen, I am not going to push them into happening. I am going to let nature take its course and just go with the flow of life.

Hopefully.

I Really Love Pumpkin Creme Candies

So much do I love them that for the last month I have had a package of them sitting on my desk. And I have to keep myself from eating all of them in one fell swoop by limiting my delicious candy intake to like 2 a day.. or hour... It's really quite sad the addiction I have for pumpkin cremes and candy corn. But, it is an addiction I only have during the fall holidays, much like my love for pumpkin. Dear god do I love fucking pumpkin flavoured items.

Anyway. Yeah. Life has been extremely busy these last few months. Since August I have been rehearsing for a carnival on Halloween weekend. It was hard, the hours were long, the sweat was much.. but it was all worth it. We did really well and everyone complimented us and even asked for an encore. Once a video gets uploaded, I will share the link for all of my lovely readers... that don't follow me on FB. Haha.

In other news, I've been talking with this really cute boy that I've kinda had a mini-crush on for a few years. Apparently, he felt the same way.. which is kinda awesome. But yeah.. it makes me happy, so we'll see how things go. He also wanted me to post a picture that I drew. It was originally a bear-shark.. but I think it looks like a shark-manatee.

What do you think?